If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

[SSO Admins]

I stuck this under drama, but frankly, I wasn't sure where to put it.

This is possibly the most bizarre movie I have ever seen. The background: Ron Ormond was a director and producer of poverty row westerns. In 1971 his career took a sharp turn, and he created this movie, one of the weirdest and sickest exploitation films ever. What makes it even more strange is that it was after he had been saved -- Footmen is an exploitation film for Jesus.

Footmen stars Estus W. Pirkle, a Baptist minister from Mississippi. It consists of Pirkle preaching directly into the camera warning Americans of how close we are to a Communist takeover, then goes on to illustrate the consequences of the takeover enacted by a group of amateur actors.

As such, we are treated to:

Scenes of children, who are easily indoctrinated, being rounded up and taken away by the Commies. When a mother won't stop shrieking, they shoot her.

The children are herded into a classroom where an evil commie tells them to pray to Jesus for candy. When no candy appears, he calls a man into the room with a bag of candy and starts throwing it at the kids, yelling "Jesus can't do it, but our glorious leader Fidel Castro can! All the candy you want!" The children are then put to work 7 days a week working in the fields. Pirkle tells us that putting children to work is a good thing, but that's too much.

In another scene, a boy who listens to the word of God is punished by having a stick of bamboo run through one ear and out the other.

A young couple who has been saved is taken out and summarily shot.

Commies invade a house and shoot the husband and rape his wife.

A boy who refuses to step on a picture of Jesus is beheaded. The actual stroke happens off camera, but we're treated to a scene of his head flying through the air and rolling on the ground.

A Christian who has been deprived of water for two days is punished by having scoops of salt shoved down his throat.

Along the way we're treated to Pirkle's views on Saturday morning cartoons ("full of sex and violence"), dancing ("the first step on the road to adultery") and even miniskirts (he's against them).

This is simply an amazing movie. It's a shame that the prints that are circulating of of VERY poor quality. This movie needs to be restored and put out on a first class DVD.

[Dawtrina]

Wow, that sounds like almost the definition of a cult film. I'm just glad we live in the age of the internet where things like this are more easily and quickly found than, say, a couple of decades ago.

Reading up on this one, I'm seeing suggestions that the only way to have seen it before Rev Estus Pirkle died were directly from the Pirkle Ministries. They apparently kept a limited supply of the tapes, leasing them out at $200 a pop, with associated pamphlets. Ouch.

There also seems to be a 'sister' film, The Burning Hell, also directed by Ormond, along with a shorter film called The Believers Heaven that doesn't get a credit at IMDb. I'm downloading that one from YouTube now.

[Mr. Arkadin]

This sounds hilarious! Where did you find it?

[SSO Admins]

This sounds hilarious! Where did you find it?

I found it through a friend. However the whole thing is up on Google Video, so you can watch it here. It's pretty short -- under an hour.