My Lost Love

Rule discussion, feature requests, what have you.

Moderators: Sue Sue Applegate, movieman1957, moira finnie, Lzcutter

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My Lost Love

Post by mrsl »

I'm going to make this statement, although I don't want to dwell on this, and unless someone requests a reply, I'll stay off the subject.

For the past week, I've had a kind of depressed feeling and didn't know what it was. Now I do. All week I've been checking in on TCM but only responded once or twice to various things. I can't seem to find anything on any of the topics that really excite me enough to join in. Even when some of you post there, I can't work up any enthusiasm.

I think things got so muddled, and it was so hard to watch every little word, to make sure nothing I said was misinterpreted, yet 'someone' DID misinterpret every word, that the fun and joy of posting over there is gone. Maybe it will come back.

I know 'she' is no longer there, but it's hard to be sure. I'm afraid she is lurking, and waiting to pounce again. I know I talk too much but I assumed people just scrolled past that stuff to hear what I had to say. The problem is when you do say something, or have to run and hide to avoid a follow-up that either hurts your feelings, or makes you angry, the old adage "You can't go home again" applies. I've been there in real life and know it's true. When I returned from Las Vegas, I stayed with my parents for a few weeks until I got a job, car and apartment. Believe me, after raising 4 kids, having 2 husbands, and 5 houses, it's hard to go out for a drink and apologize for coming home at 1:00 a.m., not to mention having to say where you're going, or being told your skirt is too short!

I'm hoping the feelings will change and posting back there will again become a fun thing, but right now, I feel like I'm going to a cemetery to visit and old friend and dont know what to say.

Anyone else?

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my lost love

Post by Dewey1960 »

Anne, I've been struggling with the exact same emotions for the past several days, so you're not alone. And I'm sure there are others who feel the exact same way. Some of the posters who became thickly embroiled in that latest fiasco (including and somewhat especially myself) probably did so with the intention of trying to put it to an end. And, of course, it escalated to a point of no return. And I go back periodically but it just isn't the same. I know there are some folks who simply do not want to deal with this at all on this site and I'm sympathetic to that view. But in the interest of closure, particularly for those who really enjoyed the TCM site, I think it is important to express these feelings. And for what it's worth, Anne, I think "she" is still there. - Dewey1960
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Post by JulieMarch4th »

MrsL and Dewey1960

Although I don't post much on TCM, I do lurk frequently, and I have noticed a definate drop in posting over the past week.

I also think there is sort of a "brain drain" on the boards, so it is not just your recent experience that you're noticing a change on the boards.

I think it will take some time for people to, in lack of better terms, to feel 'safe' again, and start posting again, regularly.

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Post by Shonna »

Hi Anne and Dewey!!!
I have felt EXACTLY the same way!!! During the last two weeks I posted a couple of things on TCM, but my heart just wasn't in it anymore. Like I told Moira, I don't want weird, mean and/or evil people in my life (if I can help it) in person OR online!!
I was SO happy to register here today, I feel like it's Christmas Day!!!! :D
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Post by vallo »

I visit from time to time. But when I signed on over there. I would get turned off just by certain names and immediately signed off.
I think things get redundant at times, but I'll still use their site.But I'm having a better time here. :wink:

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Out with the old?

Post by benwhowell »

The TCM boards do have a different "feel" and it is a little depressing.
I've been a member for a was comforting to see so many long term members. Internet communities are usually pretty fickle and the novelty soon wears off...especially when they are "spammed" to the point of exhaustion.
It seeems like TCM's attempts to reach a "younger" audience is working...there are quite a few new posters in the 15-30 age range.
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Post by movieman1957 »

Me too. I can't quite explain it either. Maybe it is that WE are not in everything over there. We each had our own favorites but there was more to cross into.

Maybe it's becasue we are here and here is where we now talk to our favorite people. Maybe this is the more interesting place to talk. I don't know but I know even with those few people gone it's not the same.

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana."
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Post by pktrekgirl »

Well for me, I've been losing interest in the TCM board for quite some time. I tried very hard to get those guys to stop pointing fingers at each other and to start treating each other with civility again...but my attempts to do so fell pretty much on deaf ears. And toward the end, I was so tired of the spamming, trolling and flaming that unless I was REALLY interested in a topic, I didn't even bother opening it up, because I didn't want to read posts from the same three or four posters, taking shots at each other over and over and over again.

I guess it was about three weeks ago now that internally, I just gave up. I simply put my emotions on hold and was merely hanging on...waiting for the 'ignore poster' button...with which I planned to begin ignoring 3 posters immediately. I didn't know how well it would work with people quoting each other and such...but I just set the whole issue aside from a emotional point of view and adopted a 'wait and see' attitude toward the 'ignore poster' button....which I had already decided was to be that board's last chance to keep me.

Of course, that never came. But this board did. And as my attachment was NEVER to the software over there (good GRIEF, no!) but to the people, I have been more and more pleased to see the most reasonable posters from over there showing up here.

In fact, I see this merely as 'the family' moving from an apartment (where we can't make the rules) into our own house (where we can). I see this whole effort as a way of taking charge of our own destiny as a community. And I like the idea of us being in control of our destiny. In fact, I believe that it should make everyone on this board feel empowered. Because this is OURS. And together, we can make this board the best place on the net to post about classic film.

I firmly believe that.

I think I went over there once or twice last week - once to read that simply GHASTLY attempt at a code of conduct (which merely served to piss me off and affirm my decision to leave)....and maybe one other time.

And frankly, I don't miss it a bit.

In fact, I'm happy to be free of the place.

For me, this board is the equivalent of a beautiful sunrise. For about a year, the TCM board has been living in the dead of night...and with this board, a brand new day has begun.

And personally, I don't miss the night. Not even the tiniest bit. And as far as the various 'boogymen' who made our night a living hell - well, good riddance to the lot of them.
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Post by filmlover »

I admit things aren't as lively without someone over there to hate and battle, but I think the board will get back to being what it should be. I think it is true, it needs us there to get postings going again. We should be posting there again, all of us, en masse.

As far as CS goes, it will be easy to spot CS if one begins to see someone under a different name posting like crazy again. If that happens, report it to the TCMWebAdmin.

One thing I believe we are going to see there is no more name calling. The Admin's posting the Etiquette rules that no one can be nasty towards anyone, troll or otherwise, will effectively take care of that since you get one warning and then get banned. With that in place, I think it will bring a lot more pace to the board. This also means that if the real troll, RR/TMN, in whatever guise he holds, starts his craziness in even one post he can be reported and be history with his second.

But the board does need us there again. There's no reason we can't be both there and here. We owe that to the TCM board.
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Post by Rusty »


I do like the "programming challenge" threads. I hope the idea hangs around the TCM forum.

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Post by Hollis »

I'm sorry Filmlover,

But I don't feel as though we owe anything whatsoever to the TCM board other than recognizing its existence. After all, it was their lack of moderation that let the situation escalate to a point where it drove almost all of the really knowledgeable people away. They simply lost interest because of all the nonsense that was being posted by others that had no interest in the subject matter but only wanted to attack others. Fortunately, I'm only aware of one such individual that has made the jump over here to this site, and that individual has been warned that the kind of behavior that was exhibited at TCM will not be tolerated here. The people that set up this site and are devoting their time and efforts to maintaining a professional atmosphere will not let this site deteriorate the way TCM has. This site is truly a breath of fresh air and offers everything that TCM does but in a much friendlier way. As a relative newcomer to the world of classic cinema, I sometimes am simply amazed at the wealth of knowledge that some of these folks have. Just look at what Jon, Lynn, Kyle, Klondike and the other moderators have done here and say to yourself, "I owe them a huge debt of gratitude for giving us this forum free of the clutter that was so much a part of the TCM board." This is where our allegiance should be.
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