The Silver Screen Oasis

1.) Never sit opposite ladies on the train who write their names on steamed up glass between you. There's a tunnel coming and you won't be able to read it anyway.

2.) That person tickling the ivories in the lounge on-board your steamer from the Far East might not be Russian nobility after all. Test their musical knowledge out by asking for a few rounds of "Barrel House Betty."

3.) If a mysterious but very chic single woman emerges from her state room and sweeps into the dining hall wearing a gown with a sequined cloak with a tag attached, try to avoid reading the instructions on the tag. That would be the kindest thing.

4.) If, during a journey across a parched plain, you are trapped in a stagecoach seated next to a pompous old windbag of a banker and an elfin alcohol salesman, throw the banker out of the coach to distract those Indians chasing you. He won't be missed, but the little guy and his booze might be a godsend, under the circumstances.

5.) It would be wise to cultivate a friendship with that squirt with the eager manner selling vittles on the train. He might be an important inventor someday.

6.) When hopping a ride on a well-appointed circus car with Bones, The Human Skeleton, Lorelei The Bearded lady and the Siamese Twins, try not to make much noise. Believe me, you don't want to wake up that damn crankypants "little person."

7.) Try to ignore that beautiful woman quietly weeping while sitting next to a smug-looking Victor Laszlo on your long flight from Casablanca to Miami. And for heaven's sake, quit humming, "As Time Goes By" under your breath.

8.) Wisecracking would-be wolves do not make good seat mates on long bus drives, especially when they introduce themselves as "'Fun-on-the-side' Shapeley"..."with accent on the fun, believe you me."

9.) Ask yourself--how likely is it that the elegant but sad-looking lady swaddled in fur and a veil of mystery would be employed by the Trans-Siberian Railway to inspect the tracks for cracks just as your train starts to pick up steam?

10.) If someone in the ship's bar orders you some concoction called "The Paradise Cocktail" you better get your affairs in order--pronto.

11.) If that sad but friendly little gnome on a fog-bound Atlantic voyage named "Scrubby" seems to be johnny-on-the-spot as a bartender/purser/cabin boy/cruise director/dispenser of plain truths, it's too late to get your affairs in order.

Thanks for sharing this Moira ... this is great stuff here!

Great fun, Moira. Loved putting the situations with the movies. Afraid my contribution isn't at all difficult:

If three of your fellow travelers are named

Sugar
Josephine
and
Daphne

it’s going to be a bumpy night.

But, that’s okay, because,

“Nobody’s perfect.”

Loved that, Moira. Just watched the film featuring Scrubby so I too would avoid any ship he is on!

Thanks, guys. I'm glad that you got a few laughs out of this and I liked your suggestions too.

Moira, did you make that collage? Well done!

Tip: If traveling by stagecoach and you're in a hurry, throw rocks at the horses.

if you have to flee the revolution, make sure you have a knight without armor in tow.

MissGoddess wrote:Moira, did you make that collage? Well done!

Tip: If traveling by stagecoach and you're in a hurry, throw rocks at the horses.

LOL and yeah, I thought the collage might help us remember the movies involved. I'm glad you liked it.

knitwit45 wrote:if you have to flee the revolution, make sure you have a knight without armor in tow.

And make sure you share your berth with a friendly Commisar.

If you are going to ride a motorcycle into the Russian Zone, do not accept a wedding present from the fast-talker holding that Pepsi can.

Lucky Vassall wrote:If you are going to ride a motorcycle into the Russian Zone, do not accept a wedding present from the fast-talker holding that Pepsi can.

Moira your post made me laugh and gave me much food for thought. ( This one got me:

"4. ) If, during a journey across a parched plain, you are trapped in a stagecoach seated next to a pompous old windbag of a banker and an elfin alcohol salesman, throw the banker out of the coach to distract those Indians chasing you. He won't be missed, but the little guy and his booze might be a godsend, under the circumstances." )



So I thought of some more lessons I've encountered on my "travels":



Never hide out in a gas station. EVERYONE has a car.

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Occasionally check the rear view mirror..even if you're not doing the driving.

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Always check the gas tank before you start out on a trip.

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Do not break up with your lover and then drive in the same car with her. ( Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. )

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All time stops when you're on a cruise because you are where you need to be.

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When driving, day for night, in a convertible, don't stop. Aliens can see you and can overtake your car too.

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Rush hour...where is a cab when you need one?

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If you're going to go canoeing, get in the boat with him. Do not get in the boat with her.

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How to avoid a parking ticket.

Hahahahahahaha! You guys are the best! Needed that laugh right now. Travel points well taken.... except for that last one, Maven. NO ONE is safe in a canoe.





Is tightrope walking considered travel? Judging from the movies, I wouldn't do that either.

CANOE? Boy, you said it JaxXxon.



Here is Lizabeth Scott in "Too Late for Tears." She pulls a gun on husband Arthur Kennedy while they are in a canoe. One of them doesn't make it.

CineMaven wrote:


Never hide out in a gas station. EVERYONE has a car.

This one was my favorite in your list...and so true! I would add this one below as well. When you work in a gas station, don't be too optimistic about hearing that song you requested on the radio, Mack...Dub Taylor encounters Fate while listening to a Gershwin song sung by Doris Day beginning at 1:20 below. Hey, at least he was happy near the end of his days.

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