Sailor walks into a bar . . .
cats and dogs
I like pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down upon us.
Pigs look upon us as equals ,,, Winston Churchill.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down upon us.
Pigs look upon us as equals ,,, Winston Churchill.
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
laugh a little each day...it's better than chicken soup! At least, that's what the chickens say!![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
laugh a little each day...it's better than chicken soup! At least, that's what the chickens say!
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.
Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?
Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'
Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'
They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.
They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.
The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.' Brad Pitt followed and boasted, 'It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest man alive!!'
Jennifer Lopez walked in, head bent, tears in her eyes and asked, "Who in the h*** is knitwit45?!!"
ok, I know you're going to copy this and plug in YOUR name.......
Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?
Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'
Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'
They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.
They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.
The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.' Brad Pitt followed and boasted, 'It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest man alive!!'
Jennifer Lopez walked in, head bent, tears in her eyes and asked, "Who in the h*** is knitwit45?!!"
ok, I know you're going to copy this and plug in YOUR name.......
- movieman1957
- Administrator
- Posts: 5522
- Joined: April 15th, 2007, 3:50 pm
- Location: MD
The DJ on our NYC Oldies radio station told this one this morning:
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." So the bartender pours the man a beer, and the man drinks it down.
Then he says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." The bartender gives him more beer, which the man downs in one gulp.
The man says "Gimme another beer before the trouble starts," and the bartender obliges.
The bartender then looks at the man and says "Hey, bud, when are you gonna pay me for those beers?"
The man looks back at the bartender and says "Ah --- now the trouble starts!"
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." So the bartender pours the man a beer, and the man drinks it down.
Then he says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." The bartender gives him more beer, which the man downs in one gulp.
The man says "Gimme another beer before the trouble starts," and the bartender obliges.
The bartender then looks at the man and says "Hey, bud, when are you gonna pay me for those beers?"
The man looks back at the bartender and says "Ah --- now the trouble starts!"
Oh, man, is this NEXT??????
Naw, I NEVER use bacon.......
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the
conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind
me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ''You must be
single.''
I was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about my selections that could
have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the bette r of me, I
said: ''Well, you know what, you 're absolutely
right. But how on earth did you know that?''
The drunk replied, ''Cause you're ugly.'
![Shocked :shock:](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
![Shocked :shock:](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
![Shocked :shock:](./images/smilies/icon_eek.gif)
Naw, I NEVER use bacon.......
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the
conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind
me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ''You must be
single.''
I was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about my selections that could
have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the bette r of me, I
said: ''Well, you know what, you 're absolutely
right. But how on earth did you know that?''
The drunk replied, ''Cause you're ugly.'