Svengoolie worked its magic on me again last Saturday and I slipped away into the land of nod pretty quickly. Fortunately I was able to view
Deadly Mantis despite "someone" in my household erasing it so she could record episodes of that @#^*&%@ "What Not to Wear" for the umpteenth time. I found
The Deadly Mantis on youtube in a couple of versions, including one from MST3K, whose commentators described the leading lady with one of those now-lost character names, Marg (Alix Talton) as "a budget Rosalind Russell," which made me laugh so hard I had to hit pause. Does anyone call their daughter Marg, Gertrude or Olga anymore? These names are pretty unfashionable now, I guess.
Okay, as the movie gets going, I can accept a previously unknown volcano suddenly melting the ice-bound prehistoric giant praying mantis in the Arctic. And I can buy that in prehistoric times a praying mantis was longer than the length of a football field. But near the North Pole, and especially when flying aloft and snagging those tasty airmen inside the C-47 in mid-flight, doesn't the mantis get frostbitten or at least a bit chilly? Luckily, a "small" tip of a claw of the creature is left behind.
Soon, of course, we see worried brass and later eggheads analyzing the big claw found at the site of the plane crash (where no bodies are found by
Peter Gunn Craig Stevens). Before you can say "Them!" we are whisked to the plush offices of The Museum of Natural History brainiac played by...
Paul Drake William Hopper. Bill is joined there by a cute colleagued played by news hen Alix Talton who reminds us repeatedly (Hopper, looking a bit bored with her repeated wisecracks) that she is "a real newshound." Her insistence on her legitimacy makes me wonder what kind of faux pas she may have perpetrated in a newsroom to earn her a coveted berth as the Lois Lane of the Paleontology set? This post doesn't even look like a lateral career move.
Back in the frozen North, the mantis wreaks havoc in an Inuit village, though the stock footage showing the men hopping in their kayaks and heading out to sea when the bug shows up seems kind of counter-productive to protecting hearth and igloo. Long story short, after blaring headlines report the mayhem, Bill and Alix head for Greenland to meet Craig to investigate further after the scientist concludes that this claw thingy is part of an insect and he's big. Strangely, the guys up North at Craig Stevens' Weather Station "Early Warning System" listening post have apparently been on duty a little too long. Are they on constant watch, hunting for more clues about this monster, or at least working on the engines of their planes? No, it's rock around the clock time!
Above: Amusements in the Arctic Circle between bug attacks.
They
dance with each other when not bug-hunting or changing their anti-freeze in an early implementation of "don't ask, don't tell." One airman seems particularly atwitter when he learns that "a female woman" is going to be on hand, though I suspect that he has little or no idea what to do with one.
Above: A worried but excited airman learns that a "female woman" is going to be on base.
When Alix shows up, naturally wearing a dress, despite the frigid climate, their tongues hang out like overly polite but secretly horny Tex Avery wolves in air force uniform and stammer out an invitation to her to cut a rug. She is strangely flattered and leads the goof balls on a bit, though she has clearly set her cap for Col. Craig Stevens. Bill Hopper doesn't seem to mind a bit. (He's probably dreaming about Della "Hey, beautiful!" Street, who makes Alix look all wet).
The most exciting thing that happens after this is when
dip stick Alix wanders around the base looking for an old copy of Vogue or something to read. Babbling on while the air force officer and the investigative paleontologist ignore her, she fails to notice two giant bug eyes looking at her through the window. Finally, we see and hear why this actress was hired for this role. She's a screamer. The base is pretty much devastated but not after two brave souls hurl everything they've got at the buggy.
When the big mantis finally starts to catch on that the pickin's are slim in the far North, he starts to head south and that means Washington, DC. The best scenes of the movie show the Mantis flying past the nation's Capitol and landing on the Washington Monument for a snack of two frozen with fear Park Rangers.
While all this is going on, for some inexplicable reason Alix and Craig are driving around the Beltway in a dense fog, stopping occasionally to make out! After the mantis tosses a bus and eats the people inside like tic tacs, they stumble on the scene of the crime, but don't seem surprised or moved by the sight of mayhem before them.
Turning his attentions elsewhere, Manty (I was getting fond of him now) heads for the Big Apple, and almost nails a tasty morsel when he and fighter pilot Craig Stevens collide midair. Stevens, being the nimble lad he is, ejects just in time (the MST3K theater guys said his ejected seat looks like a Barcalounger). I kept wondering what part of NYC Craig's ejected seat landed in, but we were not privy to his arrival on terra firma. I like to think he landed on a mime or at least one of those "the end is near" guys who clutter up the sidewalk. Next thing, Manty goes into survival mode, since he is somewhat hurt by the collision with the jet. Where does he go? The Lincoln Tunnel, where else? This is it, Mantis. You tangled traffic, you ate some poor commuters in their cars, and you got Craig steamed. Wearing hazmat suits, Stevens and his minions creep forward into the tunnel, tossing some kind of fiery bombs at the mantis until he croaks. Of course, once Alix and her brownie camera enter the tunnel to photograph the now still corpse, the filmmakers tip their hand and reveal that they are educated shlockmeisters, since they inject a memorable moment from the end of
Diabolique (1955), but I don't want to ruin that good movie for anyone.
Above: Manty tries to cop a feel when Marg comes in to do her job.
I liked
The Deadly Mantis a lot. I just wish I had a nice dog to watch it with me too, Red. Next week
Batman The Movie. Oh, well, they can't all be classics.