Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Hollis · Post by **Hollis** » February 14th, 2009, 9:38 am

Birdy,

That would be Jim Morrison of the Doors? And Oscar? That one I'm drawing a blank on...

As always,

Hollis

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 14th, 2009, 9:41 am

Oscar Wilde!

melwalton · Post by **melwalton** » February 14th, 2009, 10:01 pm

I like pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down upon us.
Pigs look upon us as equals ,,, Winston Churchill.

klondike · Post by **klondike** » February 14th, 2009, 10:30 pm

Lady Astor: "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison."
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it!"

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 15th, 2009, 9:02 am

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

laugh a little each day...it's better than chicken soup! At least, that's what the chickens say!

Birdy · Post by **Birdy** » February 15th, 2009, 8:21 pm

Oope - That should have read
Jazz isDead!
I highly recommend it to Deadheads and Jazz lovers everywhere!
B

Hollis · Post by **Hollis** » February 17th, 2009, 7:24 pm

Dear Mel,

No wiser words have ever been spoken within these "Friendly Confines" (sorry Mr Wrigley). And who was it that said that "out of the mouths of babes shall come pearls of wisdom"? Of course there's a counterpoint in that ye shall not "Cast pearls before swine".

As always,

Hollis

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 18th, 2009, 2:12 pm

Shrek, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, 'I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the World, but how can I be sure?

Brad Pitt said, 'I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest man alive but I've Never had it confirmed.'

Jennifer Lopez agreed. 'I'm told I'm the sexiest of them all, but sometimes I wonder.'

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to approach the wicked Queen's mirror to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Brad Pitt was the hottest and Jennifer Lopez was the sexiest.

They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. 'Well, it's true. The mirror told me that I am the strongest man in the world.' Brad Pitt followed and boasted, 'It is true, it has been confirmed that I am the hottest man alive!!'

Jennifer Lopez walked in, head bent, tears in her eyes and asked, "Who in the h*** is knitwit45?!!"

ok, I know you're going to copy this and plug in YOUR name.......

Post by **movieman1957** » February 18th, 2009, 2:20 pm

Gee Nancy, I've been pretty sure of that all along.

jdb1 · Post by **jdb1** » February 19th, 2009, 9:46 am

The DJ on our NYC Oldies radio station told this one this morning:

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." So the bartender pours the man a beer, and the man drinks it down.

Then he says to the bartender "Gimme a beer before the trouble starts." The bartender gives him more beer, which the man downs in one gulp.

The man says "Gimme another beer before the trouble starts," and the bartender obliges.

The bartender then looks at the man and says "Hey, bud, when are you gonna pay me for those beers?"

The man looks back at the bartender and says "Ah --- now the trouble starts!"

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 19th, 2009, 9:56 am

Judith, was that guy's name KLONNIE, or HOLLIS??????

klondike · Post by **klondike** » February 19th, 2009, 10:06 am

knitwit45 wrote:Judith, was that guy's name KLONNIE, or HOLLIS??????

That depends whether the beer being poured was Guinness, or Steel City!

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 19th, 2009, 10:21 am

Oh, man, is this NEXT??????

Naw, I NEVER use bacon.......

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the
conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind
me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the
purchases, the drunk calmly stated, ''You must be
single.''

I was a bit startled by this
proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at
the six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about my selections that could
have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the bette r of me, I
said: ''Well, you know what, you 're absolutely
right. But how on earth did you know that?''

The drunk replied, ''Cause you're ugly.'

klondike · Post by **klondike** » February 19th, 2009, 12:16 pm

N A N C Y !!!

How could you ever take a remark like that from a stupid, drunken bum seriously, when the Magic Mirror has just declared the exact opposite ?!!

knitwit45 · Post by **knitwit45** » February 19th, 2009, 1:32 pm

aw shucks

Klonnie, see what happens when you have one too many Guinness....the troubles start!!!!

The Silver Screen Oasis

The Silver Screen Oasis

Sailor walks into a bar . . .

cats and dogs