Truly General Chatting

[mrsl]

My ex-sister-in-law e-mailed this to me today. You're bound to get at least one chuckle from it.


> Spread the Stupidity
>
> Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
> the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
> can buy cigarettes at the front.
>
> Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
>
> Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
>
> Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
> Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
>
> Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
> process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
> 'bloodsucking creatures'.
>
> Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
> lettering.
>
> EVER WONDER ....
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
>
> Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
>
> Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?
>
> You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
> don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! Whydon't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>
> If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

This is one I'm adding of my own . . . Why do they put automatic lock buttons on keys for convertibles?

Anne

[klondike]

Forward this list of common-sense answers back to your sis-in-law, and suggest that she start asking fifth-graders to help solve these riddles; most clear-minded 10-yr-olds have this much grasp of logic.

1) Drugstores have prescription counters "up back" because they need a given amount of predetermined space to store all the chemical compounds & pharmaceutical equipment necessary to formulate medicines with which to fill those scrips; it's simply a matter of where the room is!

2) I very seldom eat fast food, but if I did, I'd probably request an order just like that one - I'm neither stupid, nor trying to diet, I'm just diabetic and can't handle all the sugar & dextrose compounds in regular Cola!

3) Unlike doors or counter-tops or chairs or potted plants, courtesy pens supplied in bank lobbies are easily pocketed by forgetful customers, and end-up "walking" out with them when they leave; chaining them to kiosks has little to do with intrinsic value, much more to do with size & portability!

4) If you put the car in the garage, and all that junk in the driveway, you wouldn't be able to get the car back out of the garage!

5) The disparity between the pkg. count of hot dogs vs. buns is actually deliberate; grocery suppliers long ago figured out that about two out of every 10 consumers prefer to eat their wieners off a plate, needing no buns at all; therefore if you're expecting 17 - 20 people, give or take, for your barbecue, 2 packs of franks & 2 packs of buns will likely satisfy all your guests, with minimum waste of product!

6) The word "politics" isn't from Latin at all; poli doesn't mean "many", it's a Greek word-root indicating "civic" or "of the city".

7) Drive-up ATMs have alternate Braille instructions because often sighted drivers like to accomodate a blind friend seated in the back; blind people can't drive, but most can lower a car window!

8) Hair doesn't "tan" like skin because it doesn't contain melanin.

9) I'd guess anyone applying mascara would keep his/her mouth open because doing so helps regulate breathing, and would probably aid in steadying small-motor coordination, as with fingers.

10) Psychics most commonly foresee the future for individuals that they "read" for, not for automated random selection systems, or for that matter, sporting events; if they could, they'd all be fantastically wealthy.

11) Because all the little words were already taken.

12) I don't know, but I bet you could look it up.

13) Because food-grade lemon juice, used for flavoring, needs to stay fresh til the next time you need it after it's opened, and pure citrus juice spoils rather quickly unless it's suspended in some harsh (& inedible) chemical stabilizers . . like ya find in dish soap.

14) Because that use of the term "broke" (as in cashless) is a 20th century slang term, and has little if any connection to the older designation of hiring a person as a business agent.

15) "Rush hour" denotes the goal & desire of that time slot for urban commuters, certainly not the result of their daily drive-time plight.

16) Cats can no more buy their own food than dogs can; therefore, manufacturers have to appeal to their human owner's imagination and sense of appetite; know any cat-owners who would be motivated by the idea of yummy, tender rodent flesh?

17) I never discuss the veracity of Biblical events with anyone, anywhere, anytime, and credit my complete lack of stomach ulcers to that position.

18) Newsflash- nowhere in any first world nations does any medical personnel sterilize needles anymore, for any reason; in our highly infectious world of the 21st century, legally-used hypodermic needles are strictly single-use. And although I can't say for certain, I imagine lethal-injection needles have always been first-and-only applications.

19) If airplanes were made entirely of the same "stuff" as Black Boxes (flight recorders), they couldn't fly. Period.

20) Wool doesn't shrink on sheep because their follicles keep it drenched in biological lanolin - you know, the stuff we make hand lotion out of?

21) The term apartment doesn't reference the structure or proximity of such residences, but rather their function: to keep the living quarters of unrelated people separate & divided . . in other words, apart from each other.

22) Once again, slang vernacular is at fault; "pro & con" are idiomatic to 20th century American slang, and have never really been opposites; in words descending from Latin, pro indicates "for" or "toward", and "con" means simply "with" - procede: move forward - concede: move with, or move together.

23) Language again: terminal means ending, as in to end a trip; terminal illness, where the confusion likely comes from, simply references an illness that ends the sufferer.

24) Automatic locks are installed on convertibles following the logic that no-one would be dumb enough to leave said car anywhere in public with the top down; as for the ease of tearing through a fabric top on a convertible, bear in mind that it takes about the same effort, and is about as noisy, as putting a brick through the driver's window, so much for real security in any vehicle locking system!

[Ollie]

My first Porsche 911 had raised symbology on the gearshift knob. I remember telling a friend that this showed how kind and humane the Germans were - giving us Braille gearshifters for blind drivers.

About an hour later, she hit me. Hard.

[mrsl]

KLONDIKE:

THE LIST WAS A JOKE!!!

JOKE:

"From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. A joke can also be a single phrase or statement, such as with sarcasm. Joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general or is known as being a failure. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in that the major component of the humour is physical rather than verbal (for example placing salt in the sugar bowl).

Jokes are typically for the entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".

My Goodness!!! In a movie, I actually saw a guy park a convertible (top down), on the street, and hit the lock button as he entered the building.

Lighten up, it's Friday night, the weekend is here - time to play.

Anne

[charliechaplinfan]

They are like the questions my daughter poses that I try my best to explain to her. Sometimes I can't. A recent one after watching a Charlie Chaplin short followed by Buster Keaton short.

'Mum who could run faster Buster or Charlie?' She's five.

[movieman1957]

I always thought Keaton at least looked faster than anyone else. Kudos for getting your 5 year old to watch.

[charliechaplinfan]

Every one else in her class is watching High School Musical. Not wanting to rear a child who isn't aware of her own culture we rented it.

She sat through half an hour and gave up. 'I can't watch this it's silly songs and no story' she said it

Both the childrens favorite at the moment is Mary Poppins. God help me if I hear Step in Time anymore. My two year old sings it everywhere.

[movieman1957]

What is it about kids that they can watch or listen to the same thing over and over again?

When my kids were little my son wore out Disney's "The Fox and THe Hound." He also had a story book audio tape that he had to listen to every night. It came iwth a book and he would have me read it to him. Heaven help me if I missed a word.

[charliechaplinfan]

What is it about kids that they can watch or listen to the same thing over and over again?

When my kids were little my son wore out Disney's "The Fox and THe Hound." He also had a story book audio tape that he had to listen to every night. It came iwth a book and he would have me read it to him. Heaven help me if I missed a word.

It's nice to know I'm not alone. Rather Mary Poppins than the Tellytubbies. Don't know whether they made it over the Atlantic but when my daughter was about 18 months old she loved them. They didn't talk, they sighed at one another endlessly. It's the kind of programme that can drive a parent loopy.

[movieman1957]

The Teletubbies made it here and were a sensation if only for a while. My children were too old at the time so my access was limited. Thankfully, I presume.

[jdb1]

My late dog was a big fan of Teletubbies. So, either the show is brilliant and appeals to an extra-wide audience, or maybe the dog was brilliant. I'll go with the dog.

I find it interesting how so many UK children's shows are re-recorded with American voices. I'm surprised that Teletubbies leaves in so many videos showing British children. I think the American distributors must think our kids are too stupid to understand an accent. The exceptions I've seen are Jakers! (I guess it's OK to be Irish in the US) and Postman Pat, in which they speak in a regional accent (is it Yorkshire?) that I imagine would actually be difficult at first for some US kids to understand. But why shouldn't they be exposed to something other than what's right in front of their little noses?

[charliechaplinfan]

Postman Pat's accent is a Yorkshire accent. In reverse we don;t get American programmes. The BBC is strong on it's kids programmes or CBeebies to give it it's proper name. Also called the babysitting service. You put it on and you get time to make tea/wash up etc. How easy it is just to let them continue to sit there programme after programme.

I know I'm beginning to sound like my father but we only had access to kids programmes for a limited time. Parents now have to make conscious decisions as to how much TV their child is allowed. Each parent thinks differently. I prefer not to let them see too much but it is tempting.

Then there are DVDs mostly Disney, which are great. We used to be treated to Disneytime every bank holiday and we got clips of Disney films enough to make us realise that it was a magical world.

Now I am growing into a curmedgeon. I'm determined not to be the kind of parent who starts sentences with 'You don't know you're born....' or 'We never had this in our day....'

[movieman1957]

Now I am growing into a curmedgeon. I'm determined not to be the kind of parent who starts sentences with 'You don't know you're born....' or 'We never had this in our day....'

You will someday. And it won't be pleasant when you catch yourself. My wife catches herself saying things her mother said. It's scary. On the other hand my parents are cool and I never got those chats. So far I'd say I've been pretty clean.

[jdb1]

Hey gang, not only do I hear myself saying things my mother said, I hear my mother's voice coming out of me. ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

[charliechaplinfan]

I see my father when I look in the mirror sometimes, not only am I tempted to talk like him, I'm starting to look like him too only a female version.....arghh!!!! l